The other day an old friend asked me what I would say to my younger self now if I had the chance. At the time, I just came up with ‘Don’t worry so much’ and although that’s valid, there is more.

It’s now 10 years since I went backpacking across Australasia and South East Asia in my gap year then started university at Sheffield. My path has meandered, faltered and changed but I now have the kind of life I only could have dreamed of back then.

This is what I would actually say:

Work hard, play hard Find a job you love and work hard every day you’re there. When you’re not working, forget about it and enjoy the money you earn. Know when to stop and go on holiday.

A degree isn’t everything No-one will care what mark you got in 10 years time.

Spend your money on experiences, not stuff Travel, go to the cinema, get drunk with your friends, go for afternoon tea, go to galleries… whatever makes you smile. Coveting stuff doesn’t work.

If someone really likes you, you’ll know It will be immediately obvious in everything they do and say. They won’t run the risk of you disappearing off with someone else.

You can’t fake it You can’t make someone like you or find a way if it’s just not right.

Don’t sweat the break-ups Do your mourning, then move on. You’ll break up with every boyfriend apart from one (maybe) and you’ll survive them all.

If you ever live with a boy, get a cleaner It saves so many pointless arguments and frees up time for fun stuff.

Be good with money The stress of debt is so not worth it.

Only hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself Lose the ones that make you feel tired, bored, miserable or stupid. Life is too short to spend with anyone who doesn’t make you feel amazing.

Be authentic Say what you think, explain what you feel, be who you are and be honest. Keep your word.

Look after yourself. It’s worth the effort Exercise, sleep enough, eat well, spend time by yourself, let it go sometimes.

Say yes to every opportunity you can You can always change your mind later if it turns out to be a bad move. At least you won’t wonder what could have been.

Go hard If it’s worth it, put everything in to it. If it’s not, walk away.

And finally:

Lighten up Lose the drama and get on with it.

My 18th birthday

The people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.

Peaceful Warrior

Dawn in San Francisco

I have a two year anniversary coming up. I have my eye on it as it marks the start of a massive period of change that allowed me to create the life I have now.

At about this point two years ago, I remember standing at the top of the stairs one morning and wondering “Is this it? Can this be all I’m meant to do with myself?” The answer was clearly no.

And so started a really tough few weeks. How can someone all at once be the person who has said in turn the most beautiful or the most upsetting words you’ve ever heard? I don’t know but it does raise the question of what you expect your partners to be in your life for.

Soul mates. What are they? Someone you can’t bear to live without? Someone you keep around so you don’t get lonely? Someone to be nice to you and buy you stuff? Someone to take out so you always have a plus one? Someone to introduce to your family? I had a bit of a warped view before perhaps but coming out the other side, this following quote resonates deeply with me.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate for ever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.

Elizabeth Gilbert

What are you left with then? A painful experience to recover from, adjusting your misinterpretation of what the person you miss was in your life to do, knowing that you loved them but moving forward regardless, acknowledging that it wasn’t meant to be. And being thankful for the good stuff.

The good stuff being the fun, the love, the lessons taught, the light shone on the path forward and the changes instigated. So once it’s all done, every time you think of them, you can send some of those happy thoughts their way and wish them well.

I read this article by Danielle LaPorte, a life/career coach and all round motivator, earlier and it really struck a cord with me.

I subscribe to the idea of bright faith. Bright faith is a feeling so strong that it lifts away everything ordinary and pulls you towards whatever it’s focus is so strongly, that you can’t help but go there. It removes doubt, fear and apprehension and makes you brave. It is used in the divine sense by a fair amount of religions (notably buddhists) but I can find a place for it in my pretty atheist philosophy.

Bright faith is about gaining the courage to tackle what is hard, to leave what is safe behind and to expose yourself to risk. This is about letting the control go, taking a chance and losing the mask.

On a more mundane level, it could be interpreted as believing in yourself and not being afraid to look uncool. In a creative industry where things can get all a little cynical, the act of challenging the norm and being a little bit mad sets you apart.

Slightly closer to the stars, it could be considered that falling in love and letting someone close to your secrets is one of the biggest and scariest leaps of faith you can make. Which seems kind of relevant today.

But what most people forget or don’t manage to see is that it is beautiful. I got sent this link yesterday (thank you btw) and the photos are gorgeous.

They are taken by jason hawkes, a uk based photographer that specialises in aerial photography. I find something new to love about this city every day. And I’ve lived here a while now…

Looking West down the River Thames from Tower Bridge, with the City of London on the right bank and the Greater London Authority (GLA) building shown on the left bank. (© Jason Hawkes)